If you’ve spent any time scrolling through social media (or just living in the real world), you’ve probably noticed something: some people just can’t stand seeing others happy. It’s like, no matter what, someone’s joy is somehow “wrong” in their eyes, and for whatever reason, they feel like certain people just don’t deserve to celebrate or have a good time.
The thought during a staring contest with an Ibex on a hike trip
Now, I’m not talking about cheering for the wrong things—like celebrating a crime or laughing at someone’s misfortune (unless it falls under the “benign violation” rule, because let’s be honest, some things are just objectively funny). I’m talking about those everyday moments of joy—traveling, snapping a good selfie, coming out of the closet, buying new clothes, enjoying a beer before 4 PM, gaining some weight and owning it, skipping a day of school, winning a game—that somehow seem to rub certain people the wrong way.
And here’s the thing: I used to take it personally. Especially when it came from people close to me. You know those moments when you’re genuinely happy about something, only to be met with a lukewarm reaction or subtle disapproval? I’m not trying to play the victim here, but I realized recently that I tend to withdraw from celebrating. Somewhere along the line, I internalized the idea that my happiness could somehow hurt other people.
And that’s a pretty sad concept, don’t you think? From both sides.
On one side, you have the person who feels compelled to point out the "wrongs" in someone else’s joy. Are they unhappy in their own lives? Are they going through something? There’s clearly something bubbling under the surface…
Then, on the other side, there’s the person who starts to feel like they’re not allowed to be as happy as they want to be. I get it—there’s that whole “love is pain” idea floating around, but does it really have to be that way? Am I the only one who thinks this whole situation is a lose-lose? Or am I just being overly emotional here?
Okay, before we spiral, let’s take a breath. Seriously, inhale deeply with me… and now exhale (a little growl on the exhale if you need it).
Feel better? Me too. I almost turned this into a full-blown emotional rant that I typed out in 10 seconds with my fingers on fire. But no, we’re just having a chat here.
Here’s something else I’ve realized, now that we’ve taken that breath: not everything is about you or me—our perspectives, our beliefs, or our ways of living. Most of the time, it’s about things we can’t even begin to fully understand because, let’s face it, we all lead completely different lives.
And don’t hit me with the classic “But they’re my best friend; I know them so well.” Nope. No one knows anyone that well. If you’re struggling to be happy for someone else, maybe the real issue is that you’re trying to force your worldview into theirs. And honestly? That’s a little crazy when you think about it.
Ask yourself this: If your world is so great that I’m supposed to adjust myself to it, why aren’t you looking happier right now? Because I’m happy. Maybe my happiness can inspire you too. Just a thought.
Here’s the truth: being happy for someone else doesn’t invalidate your struggles, your feelings, or your experiences. Both can coexist. Struggles are real, but so are other people’s wins. And those wins? They deserve to be celebrated. The least you could do is smile—or if you’re feeling extra generous, throw in a little applause emoji. 👏
So, how do we handle this going forward? Let me offer you a little action plan that we can both try next time someone rains on your parade or when you find yourself questioning someone else’s celebration:
What if I just don’t fully understand their situation?
What if it’s okay that other people are different from me?
The truth is, every little thing in life deserves its moment on stage—the joys and the tears. They can coexist, I promise. Don’t believe me? Google it. Or, if you’re feeling particularly deep, have a “Her”-style conversation with your AI of choice.
But on a more serious note, the key to making all of this work—life, joy, connection—is compassion. Compassion is what saves us, what keeps our worlds intact. A little compassion, a little more understanding, every single day—trust me, it could save lives.
and stay curious!
Always with love,
Idelia
Comments